I absolutely love New Year’s Resolutions! I feel a renewed sense of energy from the feeling of, “Out with the old, in with the new,” (although I will admit that the darkest time of year is not the most inspiring season to do it.) Personally, I like to write my resolutions now and get to them throughout the year. Which brings me to my point:
You’re most likely doing your resolutions all wrong.
New Year’s resolutions are associated with a classic pattern: try to achieve a lofty goal only to get disappointed and give up within a couple of weeks. Who can blame someone for wanting all of their dreams to come true by mid-January? After all, most goal setting advice tells you the magic happens when you write it down and set a deadline.
But here’s the thing, take a look at your goals: are they short-term projects, or long term lifestyle habits?
99% of the time, people make goals that are long term lifestyle habits. This means that you have an opposite habit many years in the making. For example, if your goal is to eat healthy, your current opposite habit is eating unhealthy. This may be a life-long pattern for you, so let’s be patient while we sow the seeds of change. Unfortunately, most of the current goal-setting advice is based on how to achieve short-term goals, when what you actually want is a long-term lifestyle change.
Please, let me commiserate with you. “Floss more” was on my list of resolutions for about a decade before I finally gave up. It was way, way easier when my resolution was to stop buying books for a year. All I had to do was hold out for 365 days and then I knew I could go back to my old ways!
I think this concept is best summed up in Art Markman’s book, “Smart Change”where he outlines two types of goals: Outcome Goals and Process Goals. The purpose of this post is to focus on the quiet goal that gets less hype, my bestie the Process Goal. Outcome Goals sell glossy magazines, but Process Goals keep putting in the work over the long haul.
Check out Art Markman’s book and his work https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/contributors/art-markman-phd
Let’s use the classic example of weight loss. If you’re losing weight for a specific event like a wedding or a physique competition, then you’re working on an Outcome Goal. You can use something like SMART goals and create a program that you stick to up until the event. It’s easy to suffer now, because the end is in sight and you can stop later. Now if your goal is weight loss for decreased joint pain, improved cholesterol, better blood pressure, less snoring etc… This is a lifelong goal with the finish line ideally as far away as possible. There is no moment in time where you plan on returning to your previous weight. Process goals require a completely different mindset and systematic approach.
Process goals aren’t always life-long plans, but they are long-term plans that require lifestyle integration. Instead of seeing them as a trade-off of short term pain for long term gain, think of them as short term learning for long-term loving.
If your goal is to eat better, find ways to integrate it into your life on most days. How can you make your eating plan sustainable? Take a cooking class, borrow some cook books from the library and get your social circle involved in the process. Make it fun and streamline the process so that it isn’t too much work. Begin the process of swapping old habits for new and little by little fine-tuning the system.
What I’m saying here is give yourself time. Do not despair! Keep chipping away at your goal bit by bit. Once the days start getting longer and the weather improves, you will likely have the energy required to strategize ways to integrate your goal into your lifestyle. You can use other events like your birthday, the first day of each season or other holidays to check in on your progress and celebrate moving in the right direction.
You know what made me finally start flossing? When my husband took over the cooking responsibilities he made foods that he prefers. Specifically, foods that get stuck in my teeth and I kind of got hooked on the feeling of freshly flossed teeth. Nothing fancy. No glamorous story about willpower. Around the same time my dentist recommended a different type of floss picker and I put a package in my work bag. Flossing is now integrated into my life and I know exactly what to pick up at the grocery store to keep it there.
ZenwithGwen 